Bon Appetits!

Oh, for heaven's sakes! What the heck are you doin' here? What on god's evil earth prompted you to jump into that 2-bit klunker of yours, drive across the U.S of A. in this blisterin' heat and praktically scare the living tar out of me? Do you know what time it is? I will tell you what time it is! It is time for you to chill! Go on! Git back in that pollutin' pooper of yours and drive on back to where you come from. Ain't nuthin' here for you. She gone! She upt and left. No forwarding address. No mucous-filled good-byes. Nuthin'! Didn't think she had it in her. But, there you go. So, go on! Git! It's 2:00am, and I am trying to buy me a state-of-the art girdle off the TV set. And I can't do that with a blubberin' fool on my door stoop. You are killin' my chances with Bubba! Now. How on earth is he ever goin' to leave his wife and her snot-nosed litter if I can't seduce him in my Sunday Best? I may never git another chance to entice that boy and make him fall head over heals for my highly desirable, volumptuous curves. I am God's gift to Bubba! And I am goin' to make dadgum sure he knowz it! So, go on! Git! Got no time for you and your shannanigans, right now. She gone and you are a Moron for chasing after that cheap-ass hussy. So, turn your dumb ass around and get off my god dang'd property! My time is precious and...Oh my God! Where did that ass come from? Hot dang, boy! You are hotter than a Brahma Bull in heat! You best get them buns back up here! You won't find a decent motel room for at least a couple hundred miles. And there ain't no sense in driving all night when you've got a perfectly comfortable sofa bed right on the other side of this fine fed body. You could leave whenever you want to. No hurry...no hurry, at all. In fact, I'll even run a bath for ya. I will make it my bizness to help relax those poor, but fine, an tired butt muscles of yours. No trouble...no trouble, at all. Won't take but a sec. And you will find that I am well versed in hospitality, sir...if you know what I mean? An just for the record, you can't buy healthy cleavage like this from a stuffy ol' doctor, neither. That's for damn sure. These is real, and all natural, honey. And lucky for you, they come attached to the finest, most bodacious body around. Hell! They'll even feed ya. Two huge honkers-n-milk, for the price of nuthin'! Bon Appetits!

"Lucky"

Hello!!! I'm lying naked on the floor! Hello!!! F****r! Hurry Up! Swing open that cheap ass door and jump my beefy bones! Why don't cha? I only have one lifetime, you know. I can't stay this gorgeous, forever. Somethings gotta give...at sometime, or another. And, right now, I'm willing to give it All to you...A roll on the floor with a Wannabe Whore! Who talks like that? I mean who actually thinks like that? Hello!!! Me! F****r! And do you know what that makes you? One "Lucky" Motherf****R! You are so god damned "lucky"...I wish I was you! I wish I could walk around 24/7 with a stick up my ass and a frown on my face and have my wife willing to roll around on a dirty ass floor to please my lazy motherf*****g ass. But, I'm not you! I'm me...the naked girl on the dirty ass floor! So, please, Honey. Hurry up and get down here. It's getting cold. Holy Cow! What time is it? I had no idea how late it was. I have an early meeting in the morning. I can't be all "Hoochy" with you, tonight. I need to get to bed and get some rest. What was I thinking??? How could I have been so irresponsible with my time? Can we shoot for tomorrow night? Are you going to be O.K. with that? We can pick up right where we left off... I know you want to... Only, this time, make sure you sweep the floor a little better. Damnit, honey! Why can't we get one of those "fancy shmancy" area rugs we see set up at the corner gas stations all over town? Who cares if they're all animal prints? I bet they're pretty soft... And I could make damn sure you get a little rug burn as a momento of our "wild n skanky" night... What??? Why are you looking at me like that? What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Why are you always looking at me like that? I don't know what your f*****g problem is...but, you really need to change your f*****g attitude. I am gettting sick and tired of you and your god damned faces. I told you, Fucker! We can pick up where we left off, Tomorrow Night! Right now! I need to jump in the shower and get to bed. I don't have time to argue with you, tonight! Tomorrow, after work, I'll rush my tired ass home...fix your god damned dinner...and I'll even sweep that god damn floor, again, Ok? So, don't screw things up! When I call you in tomorrow night...You better be ready!!!

Honey Do's & Don'ts

Honey, If He Ain't Yours...Don't Do Him!

Honey, If He Says He's Got Work To Do...She's Probably Younger and A Little Prettier!

Honey, If He Lies About Where He's Goin'...He's Lied About Where He's Been.

Honey, If He Needs His Mammas Permission...For Anything...Run!

Honey, If He Looks You In The Eye When He's Lying...He's Lying!

Honey, If He's At Home With You...Right Now...He's Probably On The Toilet. But, If He's Out Without Cha...Your Life Is In The Toilet.

Honey, If He Wants To Have Sex Everytime He Walks Through The Front Door...Count Your Blessings, Get Naked and Smile.