"Truth"

We all try to tell the "truth"...once in a while. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way. We tend to tell people what they want to hear and selfishly omit the whole sticky, convaluded "truth", altogether. Nine out of ten times, it's easier to bend the "truth" than to deal with the negative reprocussions and heartache that so painfully adhere to the "truth". And when all "truth" is said and done...who really wins?

Ficticious Scenario:

You are marrying the most wonderful man in the world. He's caring and thoughtful. He's tender and warm-hearted and he loves everything about you.

Do you really want to know the tragic "truth" behind your fiance's breast feeding frenzy and the fact that your future mother-in-law has only one nipple?
Do you really want to know the unsettling "truth" behind your fiance's little sister's lost virginity and His Big Chief Pencil?
Do you really want to know the absurd "truth" behind the perforated scar abreast your fiance's viable muscle due to peer pressure, Easter Sunday, on the family farm?

No! Because the man you are marrying is perfect! He's beautiful and exciting! He's witty and energetic! He's smart and charismatic! And he's not a Mamma's Boy! He just spends alot of time with her. He's not a psychopathic pervert! He loves children, especially little girls. And he's definitely not a Follower! He just likes to keep the peace.

Do you send out Wedding Invitations? Or, do you Run??

Had you not known the "truth", would you still be marrying the "perfect" man? Or, do you risk stitches in your anus from a foreign, illuminating, end table obstruction?

Unfortunately, the "truth" holds two heads and seperating the two is like splitting an Atom...damn near impossible.

Running Off "Vegas"

I had to run off "Vegas". I had to run hard and I had to run fast. But making time to run on a Sunday is extemely difficult when the weather is nothing less than gorgeous. It's so much easier to spend money on frivolous luxuries. Fortunately, for my ill state of mind and tiny wallet, I made it out of the house and onto a beautiful nature trail just outside of my well-beaten shopping grounds.

"Vegas" weighed heavy on my mind, but I was determined to rid myself of all the love madness I had so eagerly impressed upon my frugal heart. I had lost my soul mate...my friend...my benevolent future to a local love interest of well defined attributes. I was no longer a candidate for the commercial union of Love. I had been benched, yet, again. Playtime was over. The search for another reality...was on.

The steep and unforgiving trail had a serious butt-clinching incline of about "9" for those of you who speak "treadmill". The rocks were ankle twisting boulders embedded in slippery, sloopy gravel dust. I tried to stay well within the weedy patches of "rocky balboa", but creepy leafless branches kept threatening to re-arrange my face. It was tough, but I was angry. I had to annihilate the cheap and retarded fantasy's that so candidly pranced around the slithery membrane of my hedonistic mainframe. And there's nothing like a good beating of the bones to get back on track. Fortunately, after several miles of ducking, plowing and swearing, I began to feel like my old self, again. And with every painful smack and uncontrollable plow to the ground...came clarity and acceptance. Coincidentally, in the midst of questions, quixotic fantasy's and querulous thoughts, eye contact was made with a handsome Chocolate Lab owner and all of His "well defined attributes". My mind stuttered. Jumbled thoughts of Life and Love had been scintillatedly interrupted. The beautiful obstruction had curiously become more difficult to swallow than the torrid task at hand. But, I managed to hobble onward with unquestionable vivacious audacity and poise. "Vegas"...had mysteriously become a little further and a little easier to dismiss. I found myself a gazillion miles away for Senor Wag, first name Scally had profoundly become...intangible. A mere road not taken. An infamous fluke of the mind. He was a man of many faces and transparency was parsimoniously not one of them. Hence, the "bleepin'" Sunday run... filled with convaluded madness.

"Big Boy Pants"

The Person I See in The Mirror
Is Not the Same Person You See
I'm An Aging...Empty Woman
With a Dead Pan Face
Covered in Stress Related Welts
Living in an Oversized, Snot Ridden T-Shirt

I've Lost my Way

Love is a Strange and Wonderful Thing
It Can Take You to Unthinkable Heights
And Never Before Seen Lows
It has a Mind and a Direction
Unknown to any Mortal Alive
It Can't be Controlled,
Forced, Faked or Mimicked
But It Does Like to Play Games
With Your Mind
And Just like Beauty...
It Blossoms and Fades
Over Time

Dad Professed His Psycho Nurturing Love to Mother
With Delicious Mouthwatering Banana Splits...
Compliments of Dairy Queen
Twice a Month
Like Clockwork
Whether I Had a Small Vanilla Cone
In Hand or Not
Mom's Scrumptious Boat of Joy
Had My Name Drizzled All Over It
Nestled Within the Twin Peaks of Potassium
Under Billowy Clouds of Cool Whip
Erupted Benign Balls of Heaven
Covered in Thick Decadent Chocolate Sauce
While Swimming With Nutty Chunks of Pineapple
And Strawberry Madness
Holy! Ape Shit!

I Loved Those Plastic Spoon Days of Psycho Nurturing Love
But...I've Never Purchased My Very Own "Boat of Joy"
Deep Down in The Back of My Mind
It's Like Buying Long Stem Roses for Myself
On Valentines Day...
Unfathomable

Over the Years...
Gallons and Gallons of Comfort Food
Have Made their way into my House of Horrors
But I've Never Been on the Receiving End
Of Psycho Nurturing Love
Maybe, It's Time
To Put on My "Big Boy Pants"
And Accept the Fact
That Love is No Longer an Option
My "Boat of Joy"...
Has Long Since Sailed

Acquiring Credit at The Local Yarn Barn
Is Far from Mouthwatering
But...It's Attainable

Trepidation! 8/30/10

As I laid crumpled and twisted at the edge of the bed
I was forced to rehash dark and sadistic thoughts of pain and impurity
Blatantly introduced by the neighborhood mendicant
Tears have jumped across the bridge of my nostrils and are now settling in the depths of my tormented ears
Facial veins have grown so pronounced they've taken on a ballistic life of their own
My olive based, yet overly sensitive and tortured skin has failed poignant prostitution within the realm of freedom

Ignominy has been bestowed

Repulsive Rogue of Atlantis
I Have Been Elected Leader
Of Your Demise!
Stand Forth And Pray
Upon the Tufted Torque of Fire!

Seek Not Auspicious Mavericks
Sequestered by the Sanctimonious Creatures
Of Your Perverse and Perfunctory Quixotics!
But, Ameliorate the Sardonic and Pernicious Rhetoric
From Which You Crawl!

You Are the Bane of My Existence!
Hail...
To The Scrutiny and Shame!

The "Waiting Room"

Black Orchids were delivered to the hospital, today
Ironically, they weren't for Dad
The note attached...inexplicably read..."Dear John"...
My Heart dropped
My Spirit fell
And my body stiffened
The orchids...were for Me
Overwhelmed and dumb founded
I slumped into an overly erect Waiting Room chair
And froze
Fathers procedure was only suppose to take forty-five minutes
But, as time crept past the second hour...
Anxiety-ridden innards...
Imploded
Jilted and crushed...
I begrudgingly continued to breathe
The empty...
Nose-dripping waiting room
Grew colder and smaller
With every pain stricken word
My eyes took on an ineffable
Yet, piercing glare
While their tiny enhanced tear ducts
Quivered within explosive enemy lines
Years of heartfelt
Fantasy driven disappointments...
Immersed
Dreams of "crazy happy Love"...
Disintegrated
I didn't think I'd ever see the light of day
After he and his brother sputtered off
That deliriously dank Summer night
But plans for a long-awaited reunion
Were underway
Or, at least...
I thought they were
The tone of the life changing message
Bore apologetic indecisiveness and paranoia
My mind fell numb
And without hesitation...
I walked away from the abrupt dissolution
And left the "Waiting Room"

Reality Just Doesn't Suit Me

The Pressure Was Heavy...
Flashbacks of Big Brother Rudy
Perched on My Tiny Torso
Knuckling a Noogie
Into My Over Developed Chest...
Came Barrreling Back

Just Above My Lactating Breast
On the Left Side of My Strapping Physique
Was an Unquestionably
Excruciating Heart Pang
And Before I Could Finish
My Perverted Childhood Flashback...
An Unfathomable and Debilitating Pain
Paralyzed All Thoughts... Madness...and Movement
I Was Experiencing
The First of Many Signs...
To a Full Blown Heart Attack

I Had Just Returned Home
From a Late Night Run...
Dinner in Tow
To Find Myself
Clutching At My Bare Chest...
Lying on the Floor...
Staring Into The Dark Room
From Which I Had Just Made Entry
A Saturated Sports Bra
Lay Crumpled on the Floor
Just Above My Tattered Pony Tail
While Dingy, Rhinestone Studded Flip Flops
Quietly, Awaited
My Clammy, Achie Feet

It Felt Like an Eternity...

I Didn't Get a Chance
To Pull on an Oversized Nipple Teaser
Before the Shocking Event Took Place
But I Did Get a Horrific Glimpse
Of a Sassy Little Attitude
My Alter Ego Portrayed
Earlier in The Week...
Electric Blue Nail Polish
Painfully Adorned
My Chubby Little Toes...
Boy! Was I Screwed!

Damnit!!!
I Can't Die Like This!
I Haven't Taken a Shower!
I Stink so Bad
I Can Barely Stomach
My Own Cooter!
Shit!
I Can't Believe I'm Gonna Croke
Looking and Smelling Like a Crack Whore!
I Haven't Even Had The Pleasure
Of Collecting Semen Stains!
Crap! What in The World
Gave Me the Notion
I Could Carry Off
Electric...Mutha Freakin' Blue Nail Polish
On My Midget Sportin' Toe Nails?!
Uuugghh!!!
I Hate This!
People Are Gonna Think
I'm Fashion Challenged!
Or Worse!
My Fabulous Freakin' Friends
Will Never Let Me
Live This Down!
And I Definitely Can't Depend
On My Leaf Eating Co-habitator
To Find It
In His Tiny Tart of a Tinker
To Spruce Up My Half-naked Carcass!
F***!!!
He'll be Dippin' His Irish Sausage Fingers
Into My Chinese Take-0ut
Before He Even Stumbles
Across the Insurance Policy...
That Would Be Me...
Crapped Out on The Floor!

I Don't Want Hunky Paramedics
Running From My Pre-historic Bungalow
With A Bad Taste in Their Mouth!
I Want To Be...
The Most Beautiful Stiff
They've Ever Seen
Laying on a Cold Wooden Floor
A Picture Perfect Goddess...
All Dolled Up...
Breasts a Perked
Oozing of Cleavage, Pheromones and Magic Dust
Porcelein Skin a Glowing
Long Thick Eyelashes
Barely a Flutter
While F*** Me Red Lipstick
Lines My Newly Restylaned Lips

Don't You Just Love Soap Opera's?
I Must Say...
Reality Just Doesn't Suit Me
I Better Get Up Before I Die of Humiliation!

And Just Like That!
The Pain Was Gone!
The Lights Came On!
And Everything Was Back to Normal!
As For The Neighbors...
They May Be a Little Confused
As to Why Electric Blue Nail Polish
Is Spewed All Over Their Holistic Herb Garden
Oh, Well...
At Least My Arm Still Works!

Wake Up Call !!!

Maybe...
If I Was Dead
He'd Come Looking For Me
Maybe...
If I Actually Stopped Breathing
His Heart Would Seek Me Out
Maybe...
I Just Need
A Good Swift Kick
In The Trunk!

I Went From Wanting Love
To Needing Love
And I Actually Thought
I Had Finally Found "The Magic"
But...The Ol' Noggin'
Caught a Painful "Epiphany"
As a Bogus Two by Four
Went Wailing Across My Face

"He Doesn't Want You!
He May Say That He Does...
But...That's Not What He Means!"

What the "Penny Pinching" Photo Jerk Needs to Say is:

"I Could Do You...
As Long as You Live Within
A Twenty Mile Radius...
And Remain Completely Oblivious
Of All Other "Fine Feline" Party Favors
Within My Territorial Playground
What Can I Say?
I'm a Professional Wanderer and Seeker...
Wandering the Streets of Oblivion
While, Seeking Out Hot Babes
It's What I Do...
Not Who?
I'm Just Not a "Relationship" Kind of Guy
The "R" Word
Completely Annihilates My New Found Chi
I Mean...
The Mere Thought of Someone Hanging on Me
Without a Whip and Chain in Hand
Grossly Upsets and Discontinues
The Very Mold of Me
Unless...Of Course...
It Spells Out Riches
Now "Committment"...
Wreaks of Complete and Utter Disappointment
That Sucker's a Flat Liner
Just a Hint of the "C" Word
Has Me In the Dark...
Convulsing Profusely
"Exits", Kinky and Pleather
Are All I Need to Breathe
I Don't Want Love...or Strings...
Or Closets Full of Dangerous Stinky Shoes!
I Don't Need It!
I Don't Need Any of It!
I Just Want Insurance!
Should Havoc Come
Barreling Down on My Lungs...
That's Where You Come In...
To Nurse Me Back to Freedom
Comprehende?"

Anyone With Over 300 Facebook Friends
Is Either A Player
A Prostitute
Or Both
That Alone, Should Have Raised a Red Flag
But...Love is Blind...Stupid...And Sometimes...
A Lil' Messy
Oh Well...
Back to Cyberspace
Or Better, Yet
The Little Cantina Down the Street
I Kinda Wanna Get Lucky...
I Mean Laid...
I Mean Nasty, Naughty n Naked!
Who Needs Love
When You Got Tequila?

I Just Came to Say...Goodbye.

Crispy Nerves
Fried Desires
Soggy Thoughts
Whipped Emotions...
A Subject of Controversy
Plagued With A Plagerism of Shame

Blasphemous Insanity!

I Just Came to Say...Goodbye.

The Flight Was a Little Bumpy
But...
Air Turbulence...I Can Handle

I Have Survived, Again
Unscathed
Unharmed
Merely...
A Trifle Unhappy

It's Been a Long
And Clever Road
Filled With Immense Utopia
And Insensitive Traffic
The Congestion...Sweet and Corrupt

Like a Barnyard Poodle...
I'm Appalled...
And Out of Place

The Diurnal Heartache
Grows Dourly Doleful

Mucous Filled Nostrils
Tear-stained Clothing
Saturated Lashes
Colorless Cheeks
Insignificant Heart Palpatations
Coupled With a Foisted Lifetime
Of Jolly Follies...Gone

The Love Will Never Expire...
But...Time Has Come to an End

Inadequate Pompiety...Lives on.

Willow

As I Walked Down a Multitude of Old Tattered Sidewalks, I Came Across a Very Large and Overstated Tree, Known, as The Willow. With Inquisitive Curiosity, I Carefully Inspected the Beefy Monstrosity and Eerily Became Overwhelmed With Perpetual Sadness. For Underneath the Glorious Sunshine, Stood a Strong and Boisterous, yet Disconnected Pillar of Life. It Was at This Momentous Moment in Time...I Saw You...A Creature of "incessant joy" Impeded With a Quiet, Apprehensable Madness. I Believe, You Are Reaching Out With Every Branch of Your Being for a Kind, yet Playful Stroke of the Wind, While Dancing With Seasons of Truth. You Are the Willow I See...Harboring Pockets of Culpable Silence...Guilded With Gravitational Shades of Pain. You Are the Willow I Feel...Trapped in a Cryptic, yet Intoxicating, Grandeur of Multifarious Bliss. You Are The Willow I Love...Over and Over, Again.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...I Want To Cry
But...I Can't Find the Strength

Sometimes...I Want To Be Strong
But...I Can't Find The Desire

Sometimes...I Want To Be Desired
But...I Can't Find The Beauty

Sometimes...I Want To Be Beautiful
But...I Can't Find The Time

Sometimes...I Want To Stop Time
But...I Can't Find The Will

Sometimes...I Want To Live
But...I Can't Find The Love

Sometimes...I Want To Be Loved
But...I Can't Find The Passion

Sometimes...I Just Want To Be Needed
And, That's Why I'm Here

Dirty Humpin' !!!

For the Love uh Rhinestones...Stop yor yammerin! I don't give uh rats ass who you do and why you doin' um! But, why in God's name do you insist on pokin' that pig-faced whale? She uh barn-yard turd n got dammit so are you...ya blubberin' idiot!!! Jesus, Thelma n Louise!!! I can't even look at cha without squintin' n squeezin' mi ol' butt cheeks together! You nasty! You a nasty, overall wearin', butt suckin' bastard! And I like it! But, I don't know what the hell you were thinkin', yesterday? I never gave ya permission to go joy ridin' on the whole god damned clergy...let alone that pig-faced whale!!! But, watchin' Reverend Roy consumate his dirty little secret on you n Brother Tipps wuz the last holy straw! Why, I can't even fry up uh pound uh bacon without hearing them horriffic squeals of that "tail"-"tail" afternoon! And where on earth did you learn how ta jack hammer like uh hard hat on crack! I am so disgusted with you, right now, I can't even spit! Not once, did you ever share my tantilizin' temple with bible thumpin' n humpin' church goers, such as myself! And ya never poked me with no haus-like power, neither! It just ain't right! I'm tired of bein' kept in the dark like uh little ol' porcelein doll with no dirty, play time! I could use uh little train action, once in uh while! But you can keep that pig-faced whale to yourself! She is just all kinds uh wrong! I mean what kind uh fungus attaches hisself to uh fat, hairy ass, anyhow??? Ohhh!!! Just the thought uh porkin' that nasty, green fly attraction curls my genitalias...and the Good Lord knows I have seen more than my fare share uh dirty humpin'!!! But, you sick puppies blew that rinky dinky pew up!!! Sunday Mass will never be the same! Especially, since Reverend Roy blew his back out on ya! And of course, we don't have uh pew, anymore, not ta mention, an untainted wine goblet! Oh, well! Life keeps a truckin'! I just hope ya can change yor evil ways...and learn how ta share!

Has Anyone Seen Mi Nipples???!!!

Weren't s'posed to be this way! I wuz s'posed ta git hitched in a big ol' fancy church with them big ol' colorful winders displayin' them big, fat baby angels...butt naked! Of course, I'd be wearing a big...fluffy...kinda white dress with them big poofy sleeves n a butt load uh buttons ta suck me in like them Hollywood Starlets do! I wuz s'posed to be beautiful...struttin' down the isle...one hand on mi bookay while the other stroked his crotch. I use ta fantasize of mi ol' Weddin' Night all wild n skanky-like...driving mi new hubby out of his God forsakin' mind n havin' him salivatin' all over mi strawberry flavored bosoms, laced in gold metallic dust! (sigh) Never thought I'd be here, though...not in my wildest dreams. Never thought I'd be like ol' grandma Travis...hidin' money, stealin' food n smellin' like sour milk! Just never guessed it. Now, here I am...feedin' 6 pigs, 2 cows n a buck-toothed rat!!! What the Hell is wrong with this picture??? I didn't sign up for this crap!!! Who the hell farted and blasted me ta this god forsakin' hell hole??? And when did I start wearing table cloths to church??? It wudn't s'posed to be this way!!! I wuz a good girl with big dreams n huge honkers!!! I went to church almost every Sunday, ate everything on mi plate n learned how ta please a man with my clothes still on!!! And I really never hit mamma, unless she hit me, first!!! And now, alls I got to show for mi good deeds is a dirty shack, a horny bastard n a half a dozen ungrateful pigs!!! N has anyone seen mi nipples???!!!

Hooters...Cooters...N Crackers 5/9/10

Come One...
Come All...
Have A Dadgum Ball!
Hooters...Cooters...N Crackers!
A Whole Mess Uh Skanky Honeys!
And A Whole Mess Uh Fun!
It's Squirrel Swappin' Season!!!
Time Ta Git Down Ta Bidness!
Time Ta Git Down Ta Fun!
So Grab Your Little Honey Bunny
And Take Her Out Ta Play
But Do Your Friends A Favor, First
And Clean Her Up...Today!!!
Don't Heditate And Meditate
And Snooze Away Your Chance!
Come On Down Ta Da Greenest Of Acres
And Git Yourself A Dance!
Yip! Yip! Yippee!!!
Yee Haw!!!
Gitty Up!!!

Dagwood Daly

Careful Daly! Your "Balls" are showing! I Had no Idea that "Blue Balls" ran in the female line of antiquities. You, my lady, are a saint...A true, 100% saint. Although, I'm not quite sure why I hadn't seen it before, it's all too clear to me, now. You have raised your child all on your own without a stitch of help from anyone, not even your own family. You've slaved and suffered without so much as a thought of revenge. I've never met anyone like you. Women around the World should praise and worship your barbaric strength and tinacity. The childs father has shown nothing, but hatred for you both and should be put down and ravaged by a fallen angel. I surrender to the immortal idol of blissful dilligence you so want to convey. Your sainthood is unmistakeable, undeniable and unconquerable. You should be so proud. If only...you had a heart.

Fourth of July

The Secrets Have Me
Gasping For Air
As Strange, Familiar Noises
Come From My Face
My Black Cotton T-shirt
Is Drenched With Empty Tears...
I'm Well Aware of the Chase

How Can I Measure Up
To The Author He Dreams of?
I'm a Lost Soul
Shuffled Within Society
Dysfunctional, Frenzied and Empty

I Have Nothing to Offer!
I'm a Dreamer...
A Fantasy Carrier
I Don't Do Normal!

What Would I Eat?
How Would I Sleep?
Where Would I Go
To Scream?

Anxiety is Building.
The Pressure is On.
Fourth of July...
Here I Come!

William T. Watson

Hey! Oh!
William T Watson, Here!
Of the North Carolina Watson's...
I'm sure you've heard of our family business
Everyone...who's anyone...knows
We, Are...the True Rockefellers
Of Rokefellers fortune
Suffice to say...
Money, is a very large part of my DNA
The "T"...stands for Trillions
you see...
William Trillions Watson
What a pleasure it is
for you to meet with such
a successful and prominent pillar of society
Please...please...please
Bowing won't be necessary
We have found it to be messy
and quite repulsive
Ordinary people
just can't seem to contain their bodily fluids
Their ill nourished,
under privledged guts
tend to obstruct their forward movements
I, on the other hand
Find it quite satisfying
to loath and despise less fortunate
money challenged mongrels
Have you met Samantha?
No. No.
Of course you haven't
Silly, me.
We run in the same circles
you see...
just...not in public
She's a bit of a twit,
but, has the bottom
of a 16 yr old rock star
Turn around, darling!
Introduce yourself.

Jersey Girl

Jersey Girl Trapped in White Man's Body
Live...24/7...In San Antonio, TX

Who Knew?
Who Knew I Was Living With A Jersey Girl...
Trapped in A White Man's Body
Down in A Green River Town
With A Bunch of "Dirty Mexicans"?

I Am Sooooo Out of Here!

It's Been Grand Mutha Fucka!
But This Bitch Is Out!
This Krazy Bitch is Done!
You Have Tongue Lashed Me
For the Last Freakin' Time!

Perkolatin' Mutha Fucka!

It's Over!!!

I May Look Like I'm From Jersey
But, I Refuse to Act Like It!

Thank Gosh for Painful Rearing.

Peace Out!

"Sandy"

I Worship You!
I Love You...
And Everything You Stand For!
I Think You Are a Beautiful Human Being
Inside and Out!
Your Talent Flys With The Best of Um
And...I am sooo Jealous!
If Only I Had Followed My Heart
And Lived Out My Dreams
Of Becoming a Two-bit Actress
Of Course...
My Talents Would Have Never Seen
"Uber Stardom"
But it Would Have Been Nice
To At Least See "Goober Stardom"

Everytime my Parents See
One of Your Movies
They Make Sure to Let Me Know
Just How Much You Remind Them
Of Me
" I Saw You Last Night, Sue Ann.
Oh, My gosh! You Two Could be Twins!"
Knowing Darn Well Whom They Were Referring To
"Uhhh...Mom. Ya. That Would Be a Negative!"
I Tend to Get A Little Heated When You're Mentioned
Cuz, Back When I was Young, Hot and Hungry
They weren't Too Keen on the Idea
Of Their Daughter Becoming An Actress
I Was Constantly Threatened
To Get A "Real Job"
And Stop Wasting Time..."Acting"
So, I Started Flipping Burgers!
(It doesn't get any more "real" than that)
Now...I'm Just Young at Heart, Hot Flashed and Hungry!

Sandy!
You Are A Talented Actress
With A Good Head on Your Shoulders
And a Genuinely Good Heart
I Don't Know You
But...
I Would Bet My Sisters Life On It!
I Love Watching Your Movies
And I Look Forward To Seeing
A Butt Load in The Future.

Rock On!!!

Sincerely,
(and quite possibly)
A Sister from Another Mister

EVERYTHING LONDON!!!

Fake Passport? Check.
Clean Underwear? Check.
Ratty ol' Cowboy Hat? Check. Check.
Man of my Dreams? Eeerrhh!

I almost have everything I need for the time of my life. I'm free, semi-young, and tons of fun. My RPM's can jet from 0 to 60 in 45 minutes flat. I'm stubborn, fair-witted and uniquely tacky. I love eating outdoors, but, definitely need the comforts of A/C during REM. Favorite colors begin with any letter from A to Z. Lucky numbers are anything odd...11, 23, 37, 55, 99 etc. (Use of these numbers may result in a winning lottery ticket. If such stupid luck should occur, purchaser of the Winning Ticket must spend their entire life as well as half the winnings with the kooky author of this blog.) I enjoy outdoor sports much more than any indoor sport has to offer.(Sex is not a sport...it's a luxury.) Familly is very important to me. Good friends are a bonus. Significant others are "Everything". Who might you be?

If I could go anywhere in the World...it would be, just about, anywhere in the World...Africa, China, Greece, Germany, Dubais...London. I wanna fly. I wanna hike. I wanna climb and I wanna ride. I want to do Everything humanly possible...and then some. I want to meet new and interesting people of all colors shapes and talents...and then, I want to meet more. I want to teach and be taught. I want to be a role model and, or a heroin. I need change.

London's a big deal. It's nowhere near Texas and it sounds "fufu"...I like that. When someone's off on "Holiday"...they go to "London". When they go skiing in Colorado...they're on "Vacation". If they end up in Texas...it's because they've lost their job and need a cheap start. It doesn't take a Drama Major to figure it out. Heck! A Rocket Scientist could even crack the code.

If I could go anywhere in the World...it would definitely, be with YOU. Are you ready? Could you hang? Would you Love me, forever?
Did I forget to mention I'm a little intense? O.K. Insane?
I like to refer to my ailment as "Passionate".

I'm "kooky", "quirky", and "Everything London"!

Should I save you a seat?

No More Granny Panties!

Don't worry 'bout hurtin' ma feelin's.
I am more than cumsterble
With my "FATuality"!
I know who I am...
And I know who I ain't!
Most folk don't even know that.
I tend to walk a mighty fine line
Between Wishin' and Got Damned Reality, though!
And one of these god forsakin days
I'm uhh grab these here butt cheeks
And Run!
They may be huge!
But they quick!
I'm uhh run these suckers
Right out these here Granny Panties!
And it's about dad gum time!
No more Granny Panties for this Granny!
I'm uhh hangin' them suckers up for good!
Scooch over so I can git my leg out.
Ahhhhh!!!
Stop with the faces!
I hosed down after mi morning drop!
Any hoo!
Ya seen one dingleberry...ya seen um all!
And don't act like ya never seen track marks!
They'z just a sign of good eatin'!
Another lil' gift from God.
Don't be uhh scared!
I'm sure you've seen bigger n better
A Spring Chicken...you ain't!
Lookee here!
It don't take a Big Ass
To know a Big Ass!
Hee! Hee!
I should be a writer!

I may just have to put my seamstress skills
To work, though.
Cuz, I got no money!
And this Purty Lady
Don't accept no Charity!
No siree!
I gotta pull alot uhh hair-poppin' strings for these here stamps!
But, I gotta tell ya...
Believe you me...
Them big ass Granny panties Have seen better days!
Them Sun rays may not be the only thang them rags is catchin'!
Hey! You smell'n' sumthin'?
Any Hoo!
Gotta go!
They're havin' a Fish Fry down at the ol' chick'n mill.
Good eatin'!
All the fried fixin's you could get your grimmy lil' hands on.
Whoops!
Ya may wanna hold your nose.
All this excitements got me a lil' gassy.
And just in case ya forgot...
Mi ol' Granny panties is hangiin' in that there winder.
I don't suppose you mind handin' um to me?
I'm kinda drippy.
I may need to wipe.

Mamma!

Ahhhhh! Mother's Day...
A Day of Forgiveness
And Joy
Filled with Flowers, Cards
And Sentimental Grins
An Excuse to Visit
The Most Cherished
Person on Earth
Your Mum...Your Mummy
Your Mom...Your Mommy
Whatever It Is You Call
The Muddah that Fed
And Housed Your
Naked Bottom
Before You Could
Breathe, Speak or Cry
It's Her Day
Accompanied by
Your Thoughts...
Your Gestures
Or Your Person
It's Her Day To Smile
And Maybe She Will
A Little
Even If She Just
Lives in Your Heart

Mamma!
You Are The Foundation
Of My Life...
My Children's Lives...
And With A Little "InGENEuity"...
Their Children's Lives.

Long...Live...Mamma!

Dear Thor!

How do you like my Sexy Voice?
Compliments of Ragweed
It's Deep...
It's Raspy...
And, Oh God, is it Nasty!

My Breath is Hott!
My Eyes are Glassy
My Nose...a Rosy Pink
My Lips Protrude with a Swollen Glare

Am I Doin' It For Ya?
Am I Lifting Your Spirits?
Your Member?
Your CONQUISTADOR?

Can You See Us?

There We Are...
All Alone in the Oasis
Surrounded by Palm Trees,
Cacti and Wild Coyotes
Soulmates Colliding
In Darkness...
Wading in Sync...
Intoxicated By Warm Waters
Soothing Winds
And Mounds...And Mounds
Of Hott Sand Dunes

Sweet Dreams Dear Thor!
Dream While You Can!
For I Absolutely Adore You!

Trouble-maker

The Constant Disfigurement was Painful and Humiliating
Everyday was a Cold, Dark Wedding
"something old...something new...something(time) borrowed...
and definitely, something blue"
A Physical Battle Coupled with Mental Exhaustion
Overwhelmed her Sacrificial Young Life
Which Way Could She Turn
To Avoid New Strap Marks on Her Face?
Which Bone Would She Contribute
To the Rage?
Running Away Only Ignited
The Sick and Monstrous Acts of Daddy
Hair was Lost
Minds were Lost
Orders to Keep Quiet
Were Engraved in Her
Fragile Little Mind
Screaming Out Loud
Only Invited Excruciating
Out of Body Trauma
So...
She Screamed
Quietly...
To Herself
While Lying on the
Cluttered Floor
Of Her Shared Closet

Homemade Dresses Weren't Long Enough
To Cover up the Multi-colored Welts
That Laced Her Tender Little Limbs
Yet, She Prayed and Prayed
No One Would Discover
Her Swollen and Disfigured Face

"Maybe the Swelling will go down
Before the Bell Rings"

Teachers Kept Her in the Corner
And Away From the Other Kids
She was an Outcast
From the Beginning
Kindergarden was The Beginning of The End
Social Skills Were Lost Forever
Recess was Spent Indoors
Facing the Chalkboard
Standing, Alone

"Look at the Welts on That Girl...
She Must be a Bad Seed.
I Don't Want That Trouble-maker Anywhere Near My Kids.
She Needs To Learn How to Behave Herself
And Listen to Her Parents."

According to Me...

Rain...Rain...Rain
According to the Weatherman...
Rain, Today
Rain, Tomorrow
Rain for the rest of the week
According to Me...
Sunshine!!!
I have been Showered
With Gobbs and Gobbs of Sunshine
And Now, My Soul
Is Gleaming!
My Heart is Racing!
And My Eyes are
Dancing with Laughter!
Days will be Brighter
As My Mind Bathes
And Forgives
Even the Tiniest of
Toxic Matters
My Soul
Is at Peace
And It can Rain, Everyday
For the Rest of My Life
And Nothing,
Or No One
Can Steal the Magic
I have found
While carefully Embracing
Mr. Sunshine
He's on My Face
He's in My Heart
And, Now
I am Free!
Free to Live...
Free to Love...
And, Finally
Free to Fly!

I Just Have To Get Used To "Empty".

Why did you touch me?
Why did you even look my way?
I'm not your type!
And I never was.

Because of You...
I Dream...
I Write...
I Long...
And it hurts.

Because of You...
The Sun Shines Brighter
The Wind Feels Better
And the Flowers appear More Beautiful.

I can't stop wondering what a day With You would feel like.
I can't stop yearning for you to Touch me, again.

But, we both know it'll never happen.
I guess that's why my Heart hurts all the time.

I just have to get used to "empty".

I get so angry at myself for wanting you and daydreaming of a life with you.
Deep down, I Know it's just a Dream...a far fetched...who do you think you're kidding...Dream!

Everyday, I drag myself out of bed, give myself a false sense of hope and try to hold all of the crumbly pieces of my life together.
But then the "Wind blows" and I can see an entirely different life for myself...happy...giddy...and free.

I want to be someone else.
I want to be someplace else.

I just want to start over!

Because of you...
I'm Torn...
I'm Stronger...
And I'm absolutely Out of My Mind!

Hey Doc!!!

Hey Doc!!!
Can you Please remove this huge, intangible lump from my throat?
It's extremely annoying and I can't seem to swallow.
Customers are starting to complain.
And the iron chains just don't fit the way they used to.
Skipping meals is, definitely not an option.
I really need your help.
It's getting worse with every passing day.(and night)
I have tried everything...Meditation...Medication...Morfation
And Nothing!
This damn lump is even affecting my vision.
I haven't been able to see two feet in front of me for months!
Everything's a blurr.
I don't know what to do, anymore.
My head says "Don't falter!(anymore than usual) Stay on this road!(or close to it) Keep moving forward!(if you ever decide to move at all)"
But, my Heart-filled Past keeps calling out to me.
And I just want to tackle Him...Full Force!
He's my Soul-mate and I want all of him.
The Good...The Bad...and The Funny!
Hell! I'd even take The Ugly if he had any.
But, he doesn't.
He's Beautiful...through and through.
He's a Dog lover!
And I want every bit of him.
I want to share my life with him.
My thoughts...my desires...even...my pain.
But, The World is just not co-operating.
Hence, The Lump in my throat.
So, if you can help me,
I'd like to get started, right away!
My Life is waiting.


(signed)
Love-sick patient in Limbo

p.s.While I'm waiting, do you think you could write me a prescription for this nagging Heart Pain I have...just to tie me over? It really hurts when I dream.

Excuse Me!

Excuse me!
I know you're extremely popular,
But could you help me?
I'm searching for an answer...
An Answer of Truth...My Truth.
You see, I have this Path problem
And I would prefer not share it
With just anyone.
I want to work with the Best.
And you're reputation precedes you.
It's Huge!
Your silent domination
Excites and entices
Even those not fortunate enough
To have met with such a
Powerful Entity.
Let's face it!
You are the Biggest Force I know!
Every Human Being out there...
Dead or Alive
Has had some sort of
Meaningful relationship
With Your Grace.
Women love to carry you
Close to their heart...
Just above their
Desired attributes(gifts).
And Men feel the need to sketch your face
As they stare out of clad iron gates
Awaiting their tumultuous freedom.
I, for one, prefer
Tiny, inconspicuous momentos.
So, what do you say?
Buds???

"Joy: M.I.A."

he's
Made In America
and
Missing In Action
possibly
Mushing In Alaska
or
Maneuvering In Aerospace
but...
it
Must Involve Aviation
and
i'm aure
he's
Making It Alright
Maybe I'll Apply
and
create a
Miracle In April
while
Meandering In Africa
a little
Mental Insanity Abroad
never hurt
anyone...
fun integration
with a couple
of
Misfits In Action!
i'd say, together
WE
are both
"M.I.A."
Magnanimous Incandescent Alacrity!!!

Body And Soul

"You Have Be-witched Me...
Body and Soul"
A Favorite Line
From My Favorite Movie
"Pride and Prejudice"
Ironically...
I Behold A Wicked Fortune
For "YOU...Have Be-witched Me...
Body and Soul"!

My Heart Is In Your Clutches
I Yearn For A Tiny Glimpse
Of Your Smile
I Can Taste Nothing
But Your Latent Presence

My Soul Weeps
For Another Chance
To Live...
Within Your Breath
Sorrow Has Languished
My Hollow Frame
Desperate...
To Touch Your Face

Why Have The Winds
Carried You
Beyond The Thoughts Of Grace?

I Want Your Face...
I Need Your Evanescent Face...
Esoteric

Befitting For An Emperor...
I AM Not!

Befitting For A King...
I DARE Not!

Befitting For A Scorpion...
Epiphany I See
But...
Love Does Not Travel
Where Fare Is Fair
It Taunts
And Foments
Impartial...
Yet Daring Parties
Barely Willing To Share

Deep Within The Darkness
I Will Desecrate The Light

You Alone...
Retain The Key
To The Elusive Heart
That Belongs To Me

"You Have Be-witched Me...
Body and Soul"

I Am The Painter

I Am The Painter...
It's Just Who I Am

I Listen With Eyes of Ice
And Speak With My Brush
I Hide Futile Depression And Pain
I Have No Inner Peace...
I Have No Name...
For I Am The Painter
Who Lives In Vain

I Stroke Broken Worlds
Frenetic And Bland
A Character Flaw
Not Part Of The Plan
I Succumb To Hypocracy
In A Plethora
Of Petulant Sloths

Rapacious Tenacity...
It's Just Who I Am

Yes...

I Am The Rogue
With Obsequious Finesse
Stroke After Stroke
Fortuitous Beauty
Mundane And Forsaken
Unworthy To Most
I Guess It Depends
If...And When The Wind Blows

For I Am The Painter...
It's Just Who I Am

Julissa

She's Always On My Mind
Even When It's Split
Into a Million And One Pieces
She Fills My Life With Joy
And I Love Her...

I Love It When She Insists
On Sleeping On My Chest
I Get To Be The First Person
She Smiles At
Through Crusty Morning Eyes
And The Last Irregular Heartbeat
She Dozes Off To
After A Mean Glass
Of Hot Chocolate

She Is Everything To Me...

Every Crystal Doorknob
In The House
Is Occupied With Found Objects
Nestled Tightly
Within Several Of Her Latest Handbags

Her "Pretty" Costume Jewelry
Hangs Around My Nightstand...
In My Jewelry Box...
And In All The Unkept
Corners Of My Bedroom
None Of It Fits Her
But...She Wears It So Well

She Appreciates My Artwork
Elementary As It May Be
And Sings When She's Happy
Carrying Notes...
Not Just Yet...Her Cup Of Tea

Her Touch Is Magic
And Her Temper Short
And Without Even A Whisper
In Her Court...
The Animals
Dance And Play
Hanging On Every Word
"Lil' Snookie" Has To Say

She's My Granddaughter
And I Love Her
More Than I Could
Ever Have Imagined
She Touches My Heart
In More Ways Than One
Even While It's Scattered...
Awaiting The Sun

"Little Snookie" You Rock!
You Are Grandma's #1

I Love You "Mamasaun"!
I Love You "Little One"

PUNANNI.CUM

Has:
No Readers
No Bleeders
No Takers
No Surfers
No Whiners
No Minors
No Condoms
PUNANNI.CUM...
Now...
Open for Business
Come Readers
Come Bleeders
Come Takers
Come Surfers
No Whiners
No Minors
No Condoms
PUNANNI.CUM
All YOU Can Eat
Five Nights A Week
YOU Won't Be Disappointed!
See Your Server...Today!
YOU May Just Qualify For A Fabulous Weekend Special!
We Aim to Please!
Service...Is Our Middle Name!
YOU...The Customer(Guest) is Always Right!
So...Come on Down!!!
YOU Won't Be Disappointed!!!

*First Male Caller Will Receive a Twofer Special!!!

Dat Boo Boo!!!

Runnin' Around
Greasin' The Town
Splittin' The Muff
Whippin' It Tough
Dat Boo Boo!
Dat Groddy!
Dat Really Make Me Horny
Spreadin' "The Word"
Flippin' "The Bird"
Diggin' Around
Lickin' The Hounds
Dat Boo Boo!
Dat Groddy!
Dat Really Make Me Horny!
Scorin' The Drugs
Hangin With Thugs
Sleepin' Around
Scorin' The Pound
Dat Boo Boo!
Dat Groddy!
Dat Really Make Me Horny!
Dat Boo Boo!
Dat Nassty!
Dat Really Nassty Assty!

I Crave Life...I Crave Love...I Crave YOU.

I Fear Anger, Loss and Desertion
I Crave Lust, Companionship and Comfort
I Fear Anger, Loss and Desertion
I Crave Change, Uncertainty and Beauty
I Fear Anger, Loss and Desertion
I Crave Power, Freedom and Loyalty
I Fear Anger, Loss and Desertion
I Crave Life...
I Crave Youth
And I Dream of Love
Untouchable...
Indestructable...
Crazy, Happy Love

Fear has Ruined my Life
It's a Disease I CANNOT Cure
A Disease That Keeps me Safely Chained
Within An Empty Shell of Numbness
Sleeping in The Dark...
A Huge Fear as a Child
And Now...
I Live My ENTIRE Life
In The Dark
Freightful...Safe...
And Buried

I Crave Life...
I Crave Love...
I Crave YOU.

Madam Beaugoir!!!

Madam Beaugoir!!!
It is clearly evident
To those who worship the earth
In which you glide
Ever...so sweetly...
You Rock!!!

Yo Mamma loves ya Hearty
Yo Daddy hates ya Party
Yo Sista is Retarded...
Booyah!!!

Yo Landlord is yo Gamma
BINGO with yo Nanna
Who really eats Bananas?
Booyah!!!

Squattin' in the Pokey
Screamin' Okey Dokey
Cravin' Rice-a-Roni...
Booyah!!!

Slummin' with the Bling-Bling
Chattin' with my Ding-Ding
Crammin' in the Wing-Lings...
Booyah!!!

I need a lil' Sunshine
Sippin' up the Wine-Wine
Lyn' in the Mine Line...
Booyah!!!

Gimme Loosey Goosey
Lickin' up the P*$$&
Feelin' Juicy-Juicy...
Booyah!!!

Madam Beaugoir!!!
It is clearly evident
To those who worship the earth
In which you glide
Ever...so sweetly...
You Suck!!!