Willow

As I Walked Down a Multitude of Old Tattered Sidewalks, I Came Across a Very Large and Overstated Tree, Known, as The Willow. With Inquisitive Curiosity, I Carefully Inspected the Beefy Monstrosity and Eerily Became Overwhelmed With Perpetual Sadness. For Underneath the Glorious Sunshine, Stood a Strong and Boisterous, yet Disconnected Pillar of Life. It Was at This Momentous Moment in Time...I Saw You...A Creature of "incessant joy" Impeded With a Quiet, Apprehensable Madness. I Believe, You Are Reaching Out With Every Branch of Your Being for a Kind, yet Playful Stroke of the Wind, While Dancing With Seasons of Truth. You Are the Willow I See...Harboring Pockets of Culpable Silence...Guilded With Gravitational Shades of Pain. You Are the Willow I Feel...Trapped in a Cryptic, yet Intoxicating, Grandeur of Multifarious Bliss. You Are The Willow I Love...Over and Over, Again.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...I Want To Cry
But...I Can't Find the Strength

Sometimes...I Want To Be Strong
But...I Can't Find The Desire

Sometimes...I Want To Be Desired
But...I Can't Find The Beauty

Sometimes...I Want To Be Beautiful
But...I Can't Find The Time

Sometimes...I Want To Stop Time
But...I Can't Find The Will

Sometimes...I Want To Live
But...I Can't Find The Love

Sometimes...I Want To Be Loved
But...I Can't Find The Passion

Sometimes...I Just Want To Be Needed
And, That's Why I'm Here

Dirty Humpin' !!!

For the Love uh Rhinestones...Stop yor yammerin! I don't give uh rats ass who you do and why you doin' um! But, why in God's name do you insist on pokin' that pig-faced whale? She uh barn-yard turd n got dammit so are you...ya blubberin' idiot!!! Jesus, Thelma n Louise!!! I can't even look at cha without squintin' n squeezin' mi ol' butt cheeks together! You nasty! You a nasty, overall wearin', butt suckin' bastard! And I like it! But, I don't know what the hell you were thinkin', yesterday? I never gave ya permission to go joy ridin' on the whole god damned clergy...let alone that pig-faced whale!!! But, watchin' Reverend Roy consumate his dirty little secret on you n Brother Tipps wuz the last holy straw! Why, I can't even fry up uh pound uh bacon without hearing them horriffic squeals of that "tail"-"tail" afternoon! And where on earth did you learn how ta jack hammer like uh hard hat on crack! I am so disgusted with you, right now, I can't even spit! Not once, did you ever share my tantilizin' temple with bible thumpin' n humpin' church goers, such as myself! And ya never poked me with no haus-like power, neither! It just ain't right! I'm tired of bein' kept in the dark like uh little ol' porcelein doll with no dirty, play time! I could use uh little train action, once in uh while! But you can keep that pig-faced whale to yourself! She is just all kinds uh wrong! I mean what kind uh fungus attaches hisself to uh fat, hairy ass, anyhow??? Ohhh!!! Just the thought uh porkin' that nasty, green fly attraction curls my genitalias...and the Good Lord knows I have seen more than my fare share uh dirty humpin'!!! But, you sick puppies blew that rinky dinky pew up!!! Sunday Mass will never be the same! Especially, since Reverend Roy blew his back out on ya! And of course, we don't have uh pew, anymore, not ta mention, an untainted wine goblet! Oh, well! Life keeps a truckin'! I just hope ya can change yor evil ways...and learn how ta share!

Has Anyone Seen Mi Nipples???!!!

Weren't s'posed to be this way! I wuz s'posed ta git hitched in a big ol' fancy church with them big ol' colorful winders displayin' them big, fat baby angels...butt naked! Of course, I'd be wearing a big...fluffy...kinda white dress with them big poofy sleeves n a butt load uh buttons ta suck me in like them Hollywood Starlets do! I wuz s'posed to be beautiful...struttin' down the isle...one hand on mi bookay while the other stroked his crotch. I use ta fantasize of mi ol' Weddin' Night all wild n skanky-like...driving mi new hubby out of his God forsakin' mind n havin' him salivatin' all over mi strawberry flavored bosoms, laced in gold metallic dust! (sigh) Never thought I'd be here, though...not in my wildest dreams. Never thought I'd be like ol' grandma Travis...hidin' money, stealin' food n smellin' like sour milk! Just never guessed it. Now, here I am...feedin' 6 pigs, 2 cows n a buck-toothed rat!!! What the Hell is wrong with this picture??? I didn't sign up for this crap!!! Who the hell farted and blasted me ta this god forsakin' hell hole??? And when did I start wearing table cloths to church??? It wudn't s'posed to be this way!!! I wuz a good girl with big dreams n huge honkers!!! I went to church almost every Sunday, ate everything on mi plate n learned how ta please a man with my clothes still on!!! And I really never hit mamma, unless she hit me, first!!! And now, alls I got to show for mi good deeds is a dirty shack, a horny bastard n a half a dozen ungrateful pigs!!! N has anyone seen mi nipples???!!!

Hooters...Cooters...N Crackers 5/9/10

Come One...
Come All...
Have A Dadgum Ball!
Hooters...Cooters...N Crackers!
A Whole Mess Uh Skanky Honeys!
And A Whole Mess Uh Fun!
It's Squirrel Swappin' Season!!!
Time Ta Git Down Ta Bidness!
Time Ta Git Down Ta Fun!
So Grab Your Little Honey Bunny
And Take Her Out Ta Play
But Do Your Friends A Favor, First
And Clean Her Up...Today!!!
Don't Heditate And Meditate
And Snooze Away Your Chance!
Come On Down Ta Da Greenest Of Acres
And Git Yourself A Dance!
Yip! Yip! Yippee!!!
Yee Haw!!!
Gitty Up!!!