Has Anyone Seen Mi Nipples???!!!

Weren't s'posed to be this way! I wuz s'posed ta git hitched in a big ol' fancy church with them big ol' colorful winders displayin' them big, fat baby angels...butt naked! Of course, I'd be wearing a big...fluffy...kinda white dress with them big poofy sleeves n a butt load uh buttons ta suck me in like them Hollywood Starlets do! I wuz s'posed to be beautiful...struttin' down the isle...one hand on mi bookay while the other stroked his crotch. I use ta fantasize of mi ol' Weddin' Night all wild n skanky-like...driving mi new hubby out of his God forsakin' mind n havin' him salivatin' all over mi strawberry flavored bosoms, laced in gold metallic dust! (sigh) Never thought I'd be here, though...not in my wildest dreams. Never thought I'd be like ol' grandma Travis...hidin' money, stealin' food n smellin' like sour milk! Just never guessed it. Now, here I am...feedin' 6 pigs, 2 cows n a buck-toothed rat!!! What the Hell is wrong with this picture??? I didn't sign up for this crap!!! Who the hell farted and blasted me ta this god forsakin' hell hole??? And when did I start wearing table cloths to church??? It wudn't s'posed to be this way!!! I wuz a good girl with big dreams n huge honkers!!! I went to church almost every Sunday, ate everything on mi plate n learned how ta please a man with my clothes still on!!! And I really never hit mamma, unless she hit me, first!!! And now, alls I got to show for mi good deeds is a dirty shack, a horny bastard n a half a dozen ungrateful pigs!!! N has anyone seen mi nipples???!!!