Bon Appetits!

Oh, for heaven's sakes! What the heck are you doin' here? What on god's evil earth prompted you to jump into that 2-bit klunker of yours, drive across the U.S of A. in this blisterin' heat and praktically scare the living tar out of me? Do you know what time it is? I will tell you what time it is! It is time for you to chill! Go on! Git back in that pollutin' pooper of yours and drive on back to where you come from. Ain't nuthin' here for you. She gone! She upt and left. No forwarding address. No mucous-filled good-byes. Nuthin'! Didn't think she had it in her. But, there you go. So, go on! Git! It's 2:00am, and I am trying to buy me a state-of-the art girdle off the TV set. And I can't do that with a blubberin' fool on my door stoop. You are killin' my chances with Bubba! Now. How on earth is he ever goin' to leave his wife and her snot-nosed litter if I can't seduce him in my Sunday Best? I may never git another chance to entice that boy and make him fall head over heals for my highly desirable, volumptuous curves. I am God's gift to Bubba! And I am goin' to make dadgum sure he knowz it! So, go on! Git! Got no time for you and your shannanigans, right now. She gone and you are a Moron for chasing after that cheap-ass hussy. So, turn your dumb ass around and get off my god dang'd property! My time is precious and...Oh my God! Where did that ass come from? Hot dang, boy! You are hotter than a Brahma Bull in heat! You best get them buns back up here! You won't find a decent motel room for at least a couple hundred miles. And there ain't no sense in driving all night when you've got a perfectly comfortable sofa bed right on the other side of this fine fed body. You could leave whenever you want to. No hurry...no hurry, at all. In fact, I'll even run a bath for ya. I will make it my bizness to help relax those poor, but fine, an tired butt muscles of yours. No trouble...no trouble, at all. Won't take but a sec. And you will find that I am well versed in hospitality, sir...if you know what I mean? An just for the record, you can't buy healthy cleavage like this from a stuffy ol' doctor, neither. That's for damn sure. These is real, and all natural, honey. And lucky for you, they come attached to the finest, most bodacious body around. Hell! They'll even feed ya. Two huge honkers-n-milk, for the price of nuthin'! Bon Appetits!