Red "Hot" Poker

Ex-squeeze Me,
You Sexy Red Devil!
Is This Red "Hot" Poker Taken?

Well, Well, Well
Not, Anymore, Sunshine!
I Was Setting it Aside For My Crappy Ass Wife,
But the Bitch Must Have Taken a Detour!
Cheated on Me in '69
And Has, yet to Face One Red Cent of Karma!
Damn Charity Work!
What a Fool I've Been!
Praying...Hoping...Salivating for the Day
Her Big Ass Would Swallow this Painfully, Uncomfortable
Red "Hot" Poker!
She's Never Coming Down Here.
Bitch Was a Saint!
Always Puttin' Up With my Shit...
Lipstick Stained Boxers...Internet Porn...Late Night Titty Bar Twatting...
Motel Keys...Rita, Rhonda, Jamie, Sparkle...
There Were More, but I Was Never Big on Names.
I'm Sure She Weathered it All for the Money.
We had No Secrets.
I'd Lie...She'd Catch Me.
We Had a Nice Life,
Until...the Kids Popped Out!
And I Don't Mean "Ours"...I Mean "Mine"!
Bastards, Came Out of the God Damned Woodwork!
Little Fuckers and Their Slut Mothers
Gave Me a God Damned Heart Attack!
I Was Living the Dream!
...Money...Tatas...Twinkies...
Last Thing, I Remember,
Rita and Her Ginormous Tatas
Were Ridin' My Johnson Like A Mad Cow on Steroids
When, One of Her Little Tit Suckers Crawled Out From Under the Futon,
Screeched Like a Grackle in Heat and Freakin' Scared Me to Death!
Lost my Mind, My Hard On and My Life!
"Out" Went the Ol' Ticker! And...Here I Am!
It Was Quick. Thank God!
Wait! Can I Say That in Here?
I Mean, How Bad Could it Get?
It's Not Like I'd Go to Hell! Right, Baby? I'm Already Here!
Ha!
It' Not That Bad.
The Tail Kinda Sucks!
It's Always Moving Around and Slapping Me in the Face!
You Get Used to It, After a While. Nothing New.
I Need a Drink!
What in God's Name do I Have to do to Get a God Damned Drink Around Here?
Damn Bartenders!
Struttin' Around in Sexy Stilletos With Ginormous Boobages and Scorching Hot Butt Cheeks All Up in Your Face,
But, They Won't Put Out!
House Rules! Whatever! I'm Over It!
I Just Need a Drink...
And Waiting is a Real Pain in the Ass!
...Which Brings Me Back to My Wife...
She Passed a Few Years, Ago.
Sparkle Shot Her in the Foot.
A Mere Accident.
My Wife Wanted to Raise Little Ricky, but Sparkle Wouldn't let Loose
Without Receiving a Hefty Chunk of Change.
Go Figure! A Titty Bar Twatter Extorting the Rich Ass Widow of Her Dead Ass Baby Daddy!
Dumb Ass Wife!
Sparkle Was Just Trying to Scare Her.
She Didn't Know the Bullets had Rusted Out.
So, When One Pierced Through That Freaky Webbed Toe of Hers,
A Crazy Ass Infection Took Her Bible Thumpin' Ass Out!
I Thought For Sure I'd See Her, By Now.
Damn Charity Work Must Have Cancelled Out Her Red "Hot" Poker.
I Don't Know Why I Saved it This Long...
Never Wanted to Be Around the Bitch, Before!
It's Pretty Fucked Up!
Wanna Buy Me a Drink?
I'll Hold Your Tail for Ya...