Here We Go, Again

Hello! Here we go, again. "Stone Cold" is driving while I "back-seat" drive from the passenger's seat. Now, If you're thinking that "Stone Cold" is the same "Stone Cold" as the Wrestler...you couldn't be more wrong. I call my insignificant other "Stone Cold", because he's a cold-blooded mutha with a stone face...not stoned face...a stone face. Hence, the name "Stone Cold". He has only two emotions...pissed and pissed off. And if I can keep him in either one of those states...I'm happy. Because...once, he accidentally falls into the normal regions of happiness, he becomes a huge pain in my ass and all the fun of pissing him off is gone...and then I gotta start from scratch. I want to have fun without having to work for it.
Anywayz...so we're drivin' down the road and he aks me who I'm talkin' to when I start screamin' yuge obsenities. So, I told him the trut. "I'm screamin' at the mudda-fucka who'z drivin'." "And who'z that?" he aks with tiny-puckad lips. "Well, would it make youze feel betta if I said the uddah guy? I sayz. "What the..." he screeched as he slammed on his brakes. "What, Honey" I sayz. What'z tha maduh?" "If I drive so badly," he sayz, "then what in the hell am I doin' drivin'? Why aren't you drivin, dammnit?" "Honey, I sayz. I'm only doin' my girly friend duties. I'm tryin' to make ya feelz needed. I'm tryin' to give ya a purpose in life. I don't want ya ta have ta go thruze ya entire life in limbo and pissed off for nuttin'. I wanna give yas a reason to be pissed off. Anger is a wonderful thing, Honey. Ya really need to embrace it. And it's so healty for ya. It gets your blood pumpin' and keeps ya heart tickin'. See, Honey, it's workin, already. Ya veins never looked healtier."