Where On Earth Is Dorothy Dander?

I don't know what to tell ya. I woke up yesterdee mornin'...took care of bizness...grabbed me some coffee...black, of course(cream-n-sugar's for sissies)...peeked out this here winda...and it was gone! Just like that. Poof! The whole damn trailer! Gone! And not a dad gum word. Twenty-four years...and not a dad gum word! I didn't even know she was thinkin' 'bout movin. Never said a freakin' word. I tell ya. Ya think ya know everythang there is to know about a crazy ass naybor that you've praktikally lived with for Twenty-four years...but...lookee here! A big ass hole! She took the whole got damn thang! Clothes...furniture...Patio Set...Gone! Hell! Even the dad gum dog is gone. Damn dog...barked at every got damn thang in sight. And then piss on himself if anyone or anythang got too dang close. And you could forget about scraps. Stupid dog wouldn't eat scraps to save his life. Everytime I tried to give him a little sumthin' left over from my dinner, he'd run off whimpering like a little ol baby. Hmmm...I don't think he ever got over them green weiners n peanut butter. Dumm dog...shit for days. I tried re-cooking them weiners...you know...to cook off that fuzzy green layer they get after a few days, but the dang flies kept huverin...takin' over my entire kitchen, so I added a little peanut butter...you know...to catch the flies and to add a little more protein to his dinner. Hell! He didn't even eat the whole thang. Ungrateful dog! Just like his mamma. She never did stop complaining bout that smell that come off them weiners that day. Ungrateful, Hussy! Well, there goes the nayborhood! Dad Gummit! No tellin what kind of trailer trash is gonna try to crawl up in here. I'm scared. I truly am. And I've got that no good for nuthin, sneaky ass naybor to thank for it, too. Damn Hussy! Who the hell does she think she is? Winning the got damn Lottery n sneaking outta here like that! She knows damn well she owes me money. If it wudn't for me n my weekly coupon clippin' she'd be in a HUGE pickle, right now. I swear...If I ever see that buck-toothed snake, again, I'm uh give her a piece of my mind. Hell...I may just give her the whole got damn thang. I thought we wuz friends. We shared a whole hell of a lot over the years...a damn clothes line...the Sunday Paper...a big ass plastic chair I bought from the change I found lying around her stinky ass trailer. Hell, we even shared the same got damn tooth brush. For some strange reason she loved borrowin' my damn tooth brush, but it didn't bother me none, cuz she always returned it smellin' cleaner than it wuz when I loaned it to her...kinda like a bathroom cleaner...nice n fresh.
I wuz kinda like her mentor...you know. I taught her every naughty trick in the book. I even suggested that she praktice on me, once in a while...you know...to keep them juices flowin', but once she took that bottle of Xanex...it wuz lights out in Georgia. It be days before she wuz up n crawlin, again. If you ask me, I think she wuz depressed. Every Sunday, she'd drive on down to Shady's Groceries, pick up a few can goods, along with a scratch n sniff Lottery ticket...grab her noisy ass dog and lock herself up that hot tin box of hers...til I cum a yellin' and a bangin'. Hell! If it wusn't for me, she'd a kick that damn bucket, years ago. I don't think I ever saw her smile, once. She wuz a moody lil' heiffer...always tired...always pissed...always yellin at me for cuttin' up her damn newspaper. It wuz all bad news, anyhow. Hell! I wuz doin' her a huge ass favor. And I can betcha, If I could read, I'd be just as depressed as she wuz. Don't want any part of it. No, siree. I'm good. I'm as happy as jail bird on Christmas. Hmmm...Just how much did you say that moody heiffer won, again?